The Moon in a Night Less Sky
by vedhav
Summary: On running to satisfy others I hide my true self, making my path alone in an alley lit by unending desires of others. There is no night to signify peace, there is no moon to illuminate love. What will happen when a cool ray falls on me? Suddenly I'm blinded as this burst of light consumed me. Could I see the real me for the first time? In a new light will I find my true value?


A smile can have many hidden meaning...

Being sensitive to feelings makes us human. But on running to satisfy others we forget our true self, we lose the meaning of our life making our path alone in an artificially lit alley of unending desires which doesn't hold a happy heart, making our world a night less sky. There is no moon to illuminate love and no star to twinkle happiness. How will you feel when a ray of cool light fall on your path? Suddenly everything is brighter, stars come to visit in your dream when all you have dreamt is your bottom most fears. As that sudden burst of light blinds you, are we daring enough to reinvent the world we are familiar? By seeing yourself through a different eye, could we find our value?

BPoV:

I don't know how you are able to know every new technology Ms. Swan. He shook his head with a smile. I was happy to be appreciated by my boss. It is all I wanted, to be a successful person, a daughter my mom deserve. I want to earn my salary for the work I did. Some will think I am workaholic. But in truth I don't know who I am.

I am Bella Swan. My parents are Reene and Charlie Swan. I work for a research organization. It is thrilling to try and bring out a proof to something that exisit only in paper. I put myself into developing as many programs and models as possible for my brain to be involved in something other than myself.

Everyone says you should be mature enough to get married. But trust me maturity doesn't come with age. My parents married almost when all their friend's children went to college. Their marriage was not of love. Please don't ask me for what they married. I honestly don't know. It is really confusing. All I know is, they married and had me immediately. They weren't happy but they survived. If I am honest I survived. It was because of my mom I lived through that. My dad didn't want to have a kid till they are in one place, settled. But my mom won't kill me even as an embrio at anycost. She fought and she won.

My dad has not been a part of my life much. I don't know if I love him or anyone for that matter. Don't get me wrong I am not a sadistic. I loved having lots of people in my life. But as you grow up you start seeing the true faces of people. Their smile is not from heart, their words were not of love. Affection has become a vulnerability. I still ache to love and to be loved. But I am afraid of showing anyone of my true feelings for the fear of hurt.

I love my mom, and I know her love for me is unconditional and truest to the core. But she is difficult to share your heart with. For all the pain she endured to bring me up, I doubt I can't expect anything more from her. Though I want to be a successful person, I am afraid of even little things in my life. Don't tell anyone please, it is my little secret. My dad has made a habit of leaving our lives as punishment whenever there is a problem. That has given me a fear that I cant show to anyone. I don't think anyone recognizes it. People call me bold and brave. I smile at them and laugh internally, If only they know.

I am not sure how to express myself. I am not good with conveying my feelings. I tend to act tough when I love, I show bravery when I am terribly afraid, I smile a lot when I am sad. I cry when I am happy. Generally, I show a very bubbly façade for public. I don't want pity. I want my trust back. I don't want support, I want the comfort of the shoulder where you can lay your heads with no worries. I just want to be happy but I don't know if I will be enough for anyone. For I blame others of falseness when I myself live a façade that most people cant recognize. I like to help others it bring me happiness to be useful for someone.

For the world, I revolve around as a happy, brilliant reliable person while truly I cant see the light in my sky. I try to be happy for the many good things that I was blessed upon me. Those little stars illuminate my path. I don't know why I have this feeling but I am hoping for a moon to cast its rlight on me and consume me with its pure rays. I just want to surrender, I know, I need to take my responsibilities but being able to be completely honest with someone who loves is a sweet surrender. A place to forget my past, to envision a happy future is all I want. I want my journey here to be a happy one.

I want someone who can calm my heart and make, make me smile, need me to fix their issue, patient to hear me out, value me in his life.

But will I be able to see such person? Even if I did, will I show him my true self? Will I trust someone enough to give him the power to hurt me? Let us see.

Ok now. Raise your chin and start smiling. Smile brightly Bells. Your clock starts now.

From the next chapter, it will be your cheery Bells you see most. I am not the honest Bella most of the time.


End file.
